Category: Funny Files

You know it’s been a long day when:

1. During a heated discussion with your ex, you accidentally drop your cell phone in the urinal at Chili’s.
2. You blow your last twenty bucks on gas to get to work and back, then you realize your tank’s still on empty.
3. Your favorite umbrella blows inside-out from a tropical gust the second you get out of your car and step into a raging downpour.
4. You run through the rain to get back in your car and immediately realize the sticky substance on the bottom of your shoe doesn’t smell like gum.
5. Your first colonoscopy ends in disaster when you find your new doctor to be a pain in the ass.
6. You take your kids to the carnival for a fun-filled night and discover they’re allergic to face paint. Who knew?
7. The cotton candy you bought at the carnival tastes more like cotton than candy.
8. You meet the woman of your dreams online only to find out later, so did she.
9. You nab the shortest line at Walmart and end up standing there twice as long.
10. Your kids find your secret DVD collection and discover Grinding Nemo isn’t the family flick they thought it would be.

 

You know it’s going to be a long day when…

• You pull the last inch off the toilet paper roll and discover it’s the last one in the house.

• You wake up desperate for a cup of your favorite coffee and discover you’re out of filters.

• You back out of your driveway and hear the click-click-click of a giant screw in your new $200 tire.

• You need the jaws of life to pry the shopping carts apart at Walmart.

• You fill the pool four inches with the garden hose and a storm sweeps in an hour later and floods your patio.

• You try the scale at Publix, and a prerecorded message whispers, “Put the Edy’s back!”

• You spend two hours getting ready for your big date night and the babysitter calls to cancel.

• You neglect to buy the new iPad warranty, then drop the damn thing in the tub the first time you use it.

• You take your family to a favorite restaurant and find out that kids ate free the night before.

• Your winning Lottery ticket goes through the washing machine and disintegrates to a soggy pulp.